05: The case for accepting your fate.

“Just keep in mind: The more we value things outside of our control, the less control we have.” -Epictetus

I love being in control. I love knowing what I’m doing during the day and I can’t stand it when someone comes along and changes that. I may not even like the things on my to-do list, but as soon as that list changes, I’m bitter. There’s a certain predictability to the concept of control. Let’s discuss the thought of throwing control away in favor of another word, acceptance.

In order to stop believing that everyone else opinions of you are what makes you; you have to accept that you don’t control what they think and you never will. So why bother stressing about it? Or, it’s this, “because thing X happened to me, I can never be Y.” Says who? Where is that written? Some people are controlled so much by this state of mind, they don’t even have an honest opinion of themselves, choosing to compile a list of things other people have said about them. Somehow, this narrative has become your biography and your fortune.

Easier said than done, right? After you have lived so many years “outwardly focused”, how can you switch it off? Truth is, it’s going to take a while. You have to develop new habits of focus, based on things YOU can control. Let’s take work for example since a lot of folks think that their identity is tied to their career or lack thereof. A man, let’s name him James. James is 40 years old and works at one of the local big-box electronics stores as an entry level salesman. Inside, he hates his job because his friends have “good jobs”, and there is no way a person his age should be working there. Because of his poor attitude, he’s often rude to customers, unknowledgeable about the brands that he sales and frequently has his hours cut by the sales manager. How many times have you met this person at a restaurant, hotel, or department store? Is this an example of your behavior and work habits?

The fact is, a lot of us are guilty of this because we believe that we deserve better, that somehow we were dealt a bad hand and that this situation is an injustice that must be corrected. Your boss is a jerk, the training is poor, and customers should educate themselves before they contact you. Instead, try focusing on things that you can control, most notably, your attitude and effort:
-Realize that no job is a forever job, but your character should be your business card.
-Make sure you understand the expectations of any job/task and aim to represent your self in the best light possible.
-Give yourself the best chance of success daily. Eat well, sleep well, and do something that brings you joy.
Of course, there are more examples, but all of them come down to two words, attitude and effort. No matter the situation, if your attitude is positive and your effort is top notch, you move forward.

Where can you improve? Where has your attitude suffered because of some outside stimuli? Please share your thoughts so that we all can grow.

“The tranquility that comes when you stop caring what they say, or think, or do. Only what you do”. -Marcus Aurelius