08: The case for squashing all beef.
“True reconciliation is never cheap, for it is based on forgiveness which is costly. Forgiveness, in turn, depends on repentance, which has to be based on an acknowledgment of what was done wrong, and therefore on disclosure of the truth. You cannot forgive what you do not know”. -Archbishop Desmond Tutu
It’s been a long two weeks. The family took a much needed break, traveling to San Diego, one of my favorite places. Unfortunately, while we were there, the world lost one of its favorite sons, Kobe Bryant. Kobe, his 13 year old daughter, as well as seven other victims, lost their lives in a tragic helicopter accident. I won’t spend much time in this post talking about what Kobe meant to me personally because if I do, I’m sure to start crying, which slows down this process.
Instead, I’d like to focus on one of the things that was brought to light as a result of the tragedy, the massive feeling of reconciliation that has swept over the world. All of us have some sort of conflict pending with an old friend or a colleague at work that hasn’t been resolved. Things were said, feelings were hurt, and as a result, there are relationships on pause. Most times, these “beefs” can’t be resolved because we are too wrapped up in whose fault it was.
One of the most famous sports beefs of the past 20 years was Kobe vs Shaq. Both players joined the Los Angeles Lakers in the Summer of 1996. Kobe, a 17 year old kid who had designs on being the greatest basketball player ever and Shaq, the most dominating force the league had ever seen, what could go wrong? Everything. Despite winning 3 NBA Championships in a row, conflicts about who was the alpha male on the team would persist and ultimately, end with O’Neal being traded to the Miami Heat. It wouldn’t be until 2018 that the two players would sit down to clear the air about their many differences. It would help their respective families bond as well with Kobe being a mentor to Shaq’s son, Shareef. Kobe’s untimely death forced Shaq to reconsider all of the conflict that he and Kobe shared, even breaking down on air as he described how he learned of the accident. You can view it here.
We’ve all felt this way before. Personally, when my step-father died, he and I were on the “outs” because of some issues when he unexpectedly passed away from a heart attack. I remember thinking,” why couldn’t I just squash it and move on”? It takes years to move on from those feelings of regret and if you have never experienced it, God bless you. The truth is, us being on good terms wouldn’t have prevented what happened, just as Shaq and Kobe’s beef would not have prevented the accident. But dealing with a loss without feelings of regret over a petty dispute won’t be there and that is a massive weight off of your shoulders.
If there is a friend, family member, or co-worker that you are in conflict with, squash it today. It does not matter whose fault it is, because once they’re gone, that’s it. Don’t get it twisted, I’m not saying to forget what happened. Both sides need to understand why feelings were hurt in the first place so that the same thing won’t happen in the future. It may take time to get things back to normal. Those feelings of hurt won’t go away soon, but being on the path to forgiveness is a lot better than the purgatory of conflict.
Until next time,
A.
There is no reconciliation until you recognize the dignity of the other. Until you see their view- you have to enter into the pain of the people. You’ve got to feel their need. -John M. Perkins
